Depression
by ExorcistAddict
Summary: Set months after the camping trip, but the Kyoto arc never happened and Rin never changed courses. Warning, implied suicide.
1. Chapter 1

These characters are not mine. They belong to Kazue Kato. There might be more chapters.

* * *

Rin walked in the classroom. 'Good, no one else had arrived yet.' Rin choose to sit at his usual spot. He stretched the sleeves of the sweatshirt he was wearing to make sure they completely covered his wrists. 'I don't want to anyone to see my cuts. Especially since some of them are fresh.'

Sheimi walked in the classroom. Rin couldn't help but glance at her, but ended up regretting it. Sheimi's face looked like she was about to burst into tears because she looked extremely scared and... guilty? 'Why the hell would she be guilty? It's perfectly natural for her to be scared. After all I might go berserk and kill everyone around me.'

Next Izumo walked in. When Rin glanced at her, he was surprised to say the least. While she didn't look nearly as scared of Rin as Sheimi did, she had a look of extreme disgust. 'Izumo is probably thinking that I shouldn't be alive, that I should have been killed the moment I was born... Why was I saved? If I wasn't so many people would still be alive.'

Shima and Konekomaru now walked in. Rin glanced at their faces just like everyone else. They both held the same emotions. Pure terror. 'They were affected by the Blue Night. Part of their family were killed in that night. And Konekomaru was completely left alone. It's natural, I don't blame them.'

Now walked in Suguro. Rin glanced at him at saw what he expected to see. Fear, hatred, and disgust. An ugly combination. 'Well, I knew this was going to be his reaction. Of course, it hurts more than anyone elses. Suguro did finally call me a friend but, in the same day, he found out about my secret and now hates me.'

Now walked in their teacher, Yukio. Rin looked at him and smiled. He knew Yukio still loved him. He may be cold sometimes but he doesn't think of Rin as a monster that should be killed. "Now, everyone Rin would like to give you all a letter this evening. You may only read it after school as I do not want you opening them during my class." Rin got up and passed six identical letters around. Rin forced himself to smile at them, a cold and icy feeling passing through his heart as he looked at their faces again.

* * *

School ended and the Sheimi made sure everyone from cram school, except Rin, met in the courtyard. "We should be nice to Rin!" Sheimi exploded. "We haven't been nice to him and I can see that it's really starting to hurt him!"

Suguro frowned, "He's a half demon, not to mention the son of Satan. Why should we?" Konekomaru could only nod in agreement.

Izumo laughed at Suguro,"Wow you are sometimes so stupid! You forget that Rin is still half human. We should be nice to him because of that. Not to mention, that he was raised as a human, to have feelings..." Everyone looked at her, shocked. But she had a point.

Shima knew Izumo was right. He had forgotten that while Rin was a half demon, he was still a human. "Well, we should at least read his letter." Everyone nodded, took their letters out and began to read.

_Dear Cram School Classmates,_

_Today, will be the last day you will see me. Well alive, though I doubt that you would even come to my funeral. I am going to kill myself today, Yukio will be on a mission and should be back home late at night. So that means no one will intervene. I'm sorry for causing so much terror in your lives, but I will be gone soon. You can now rejoice that the monster will finally be dead. I just can't handle being hated anymore._

_Yukio doesn't know that the letter I gave to you guys was my suicide note. So when he comes home please give him the note on my bed. It's for him... The dorm will be unlocked._

_Rin_

* * *

On the roof of the abandoned dorm lay Rin, soaking in a pool of his own blood. His sword lay discarded next to him, obviously used to cut himself.


	2. Alternate Ending

This is the alternate ending where Rin does die.

* * *

Rin slashed his own body, over and over again. Each slash left a gaping opening that freely let blood pour out. 'I can't even feel the pain anymore. I just feel numb.' Suddenly Rin's knees started to wobble. 'Well, I guess this is it. The end. I will finally die, and with my death I will no longer feel pain.' Rin cast his sword aside. Exhausted, Rin fell face-first into a pool of his blood. 'I hope that because of my death... everyone will have better lives...' Closing his eyes, Rin smiled, truly believing that everyone will be happier with him gone.

Moments after Rin closed his eyes, he was no more.

Rin was now, and forever, gone.

* * *

Suguro ran towards Rin's dead body. "Okumara... How could you do this to yourself?" Suguro's voice was soft, devoid of any anger. He felt nothing, he just wasn't sure what to feel. Someone who he once called a friend was now dead. But he was a monster, the son of Satan! Should he feel sad? Or should he be mad, mad that he didn't kill the demon himself?! Suguro just didn't know what to feel.

Shiemi felt immense sadness. She looked at Rin, feeling pangs of guilt. Rin was her very first friend, but when he needed her most what did she do? She shunned him along with the others. She stopped talking to him, and helped push him deeper into depression. It sickened her how much of a monster, _she _was. "I'm sorry, Rin..."

Konekomaru wanted Rin to not associate with people he cared about. He wanted Rin far away from those he loved, because he didn't want them to die. He thought that Rin would go on a rampage and kill everyone. But now Rin is dead. And deep, deep down, Konekomaru thought that perhaps his death was a good thing. Now, Rin is far, far away. Konekomaru just kept silently staring at the corpse before him, wondering if was a blessing.

Izumo was just bitter. "Ha! This is just sad. The very day we decided to be nicer to Okumara, he goes and kills himself. I guess that we were just too slow to fix our mistakes." She looked at Rin, at his smiling face. Was that idiot happy? Was life really so bad for him that suicide became his best option? An option so good that he would be smiling?

Shima just stared at the corpse that was once Rin. "How... how much did we push him?" Shima could only imagine, imagine how hard it was for Rin. And he couldn't. He knew that Rin's pain was something he could never, ever, relate to.

* * *

"Rin?"

Suguro's body jerked when someone spoke. He looked for the person who spoke. It was Yukio. "Oh, Okumara-sensei... Here, Rin wanted to make sure that you received this." Suguro reached into his pocket and pulled out the note that was in Rin's room and gave it to Yukio.

Yukio wasting no time, opened and read it.

_Yukio,_

_I'm sorry that this is how I have to say goodbye to you. You see, today I am going to kill myself. The pain I have to endure is too much. It hurts. And I just can't deal with it anymore. So I guess that I only have one option. Suicide. I will no longer feel any pain. Do you know what that sounds like to me? Well it sounds like bliss! And another reason why I would turn to suicide is because I am the spawn of Satan. If I am dead the world will become a better and safer place. Plus, I am not completely ignorant. I know how scared everyone is of me. So my death means that they will no longer have any reason to be scared. I'm sorry for leaving you, Yukio but you have friends. They won't let you fall into depression. _

_Rin_

Yukio's knees felt weak. He fell down on them and he sobbed. Yukio cried so much, and he knew that this time Rin would not be there to stop his crying. Because Rin was gone. Forever gone.


	3. Chapter 2

Rin slowly opened his eyes. He was laying in a bed in a boring white room. 'Am I in a hospital? Crap... That meant I didn't die. My cuts probably healed before any serious damage was done. Whatever, I don't think I can heal if I hang myself. And if that doesn't work I guess I can use one of Yukio's guns.' Bored, Rin looked around the room once again. Freezing he noticed Suguro was asleep on a chair.

The door opened and a nurse came in. She wasn't that hot, but Rin was sure that if Shima was there he would have had a massive nosebleed. "Umm, sir, please wake up. You have to leave." She nudged Suguro.

'Hmm, she hasn't noticed that I am now awake. I guess I'll pretend that I'm still asleep.'

Suguro jerked up. "Oh, sorry... Do you know if Okumara would wake up soon? He's been like this for over a week now."

'Is he concerned? About my well-being?'

"Well the doctor said that he should be awake soon. Any minute now actually! Then again it could be another day or two... Well it seems that you care for him, are you two good friends?" the nurse asked Suguro.

'...I wonder what he will say.'

Suguro seemed to think about it for a second before responding. "Well no, not now. We were once friends, but than everyone found out that he was the son of Satan. Everyone shunned him, me being the worst of them all. May I have private word with Okumara before I leave?"

'Yeah he got that right-he was the worst of them.'

The nurse nodded but she looked sour. "Yes you may, but keep in mind that if you had accepted him for who he was before all of this happened than he would not be like this." And with that she walked out.

'Man, I love this nurse now.'

"Okumara, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hating you for what Satan has done. I'm sorry for abandoning you, when you needed friends the most... Dammit, I'm sorry!" Suguro cried out to Rin. Heavy sobs filled the air.

Rin opened his eyes. Suguro head was down and he was crying on Rin's bed. "Hey, are you crying? If you don't stop you are going to be demoted on my list of cool guys. Lower than even Shima!"

Suguro's head snapped up at Rin's voice. He hurriedly whipped away any sign of tears. "What the hell, Okumara! How long were you awake?! And what list?"

"When the nurse woke you up."

"Well, you could have said something. Than again, I don't have to awkwardly say sorry to you now... Oh! I have to tell the others." Suguro reached into his pocket and started texting everyone that Rin was now awake.

Moments later everyone stormed in. Sheimi, Konekomaru, Shima, and even Izumo. Everyone said their apologies. After Sheimi finally stopped her long speech about never leaving him again and how sorry she was, Rin spoke. "Guys, I'm sorry but I can't accept your apologies. You guys first have to earn my trust back, before I can even think about forgiving you."

* * *

Yup, it's short. I will probably only write short chapters.


	4. Chapter 3

Rin glared into everyone's eyes. "I will not accept your apologies. The last few months have been nothing but torture. I was treated like a despicable, disgusting thing that was somehow contagious. And you all were too terrified of 'the son of Satan' to even think, 'Hey, we are treating Okumara too badly, lets be nicer.' But _no. _You guys didn't think that. If you did we wouldn't be here, everything would be like it was before..." Rin's eyes softened, and he looked down. "It would have actually been fine to just have someone talk to me... But you all just stayed away."

'Wow it feels weird to actually say it.'

At that moment the doctor came it. "Hello. Oh, my Mr. Okumara you have quite a lot of friends. They all must be very close friends. " He smiled warmly at the Rin.

'What... The... FUCK!'

Rin intensely stared at the doctor. "These are not my friends. They may visit me, but they are quite far from being my friends."

The doctor still smiled. "Oh, they aren't? Then are these the people that were pretty much your reason for suicide?"

"...I guess."

The doctor then looked at the exwires. "Okay you should leave. I don't want my patient near the cause of all this."

"Wait, we aren't done talking to Okumara!" Suguro screamed at the man. The other exwires nodded. They wanted to make Rin their friend again.

At this the man actually frowned. "You are done. You will leave now. And don't worry, you will be back so you can all talk to him. But only one at a time." The doctor's smile came back. "I want my patient to reconcile with you, and I believe the most efficient way to do that is if he talks to you one at a time. So, figure it out among yourselves on who get's their one on one talk with him first." The exwires nodded and scooted on out.

* * *

Okay, I'm sorry for not updating in a while, and that this is an incredibly short chapter, but I do have reasons. I was sick and my head felt like it was going to burst wide open, then after my head started to feel better I had this weird phase where I had no appetite to eat and when I did I tasted nothing. Sad thing was I ate my favorite food and they had no taste at all. Then after that my computer stopped charging, so I'm now on my sister's computer. This means that updating will be irregular. But I will try to make it.


	5. Chapter 4

"Okumara? You can go home now, we decided that meeting up with your friends will be beneficial to your mental health. Your brother wanted to take care of you and said he will make sure that you wouldn't try killing yourself again. And be good, he's to report on how your mental health is doing." A nurse said to Rin.

Rin looked at her and smiled so wide that he felt like his face would tear in half. "And why wouldn't I want to kill myself. I didn't feel pain, it just felt _so good._ Maybe the feeling of multiple stab wounds feel good to me. Do you know what Demonic Healing feels like?" When the nurse didn't answer he continued,"it feels like you are someone is tickling your insides, in fact it nearly makes me hysterical by how good it feels. And that is if it heals a small wound; imagine lots and lots of large stab wounds! If felt like heaven!" The nurse was now staring at him with large confused eyes. Rin's smile dropped. "I'm joking, of course. It hurts to kill myself and Demonic Healing actually feels like someone is taking a shit inside of me."

"Oh... Okay."

* * *

Rin arrived to class early again. 'I really don't want anyone to sit next to me.' And what do you know? Suguro came in and sat his fat behind on the empty chair next to Rin. Rin froze and stared at him. "Why are _you_ sitting here?"

Suguro glanced at him and then whipped his head to the other direction of Rin. "I wanted to say... I'm sorry, and I guess it was largely my fault that you tried to kill yourself. I was the one who tried to push you away the most... And I did kinda encourage the others to do the same. I owe it to you to be nice."

Rin sighed. "Fine, but don't try to engage in conversations much. It has been months and I kinda forgot what it was like to talk to someone, who might potentially be a friend. But don't think I forgave you yet." Everyone else came to class. Rin silently sat next to Suguro for the entire class, and though he won't admit it, he liked having someone next to him. It was much better than an empty chair. Forgiving might actually be easy.

* * *

"So Rin how was school?" Yukio questioned him as they were studying in their room.

"It was fine."

"I noticed you sat next to Suguro. Did you guys make up? Though you weren't talking at all."

"Well, Suguro apologized and I decided that I might forgive him soon. He seemed pretty sincere. And there really are no secrets that he might find out about me that will make him hate my guts again."

"That's good... And hey, Rin?"

"Yeah."

"Please, never do something like that again! I nearly killed myself when I heard that you attempted suicide. If you did die though... Just know that there are people who care about you Rin!"

Rin looked up from the manga he was reading and looked at Yukio. Tears were streaming down his face. It pained him that he put possibly the only person who cared about Rin unconditionally in such emotional pain. Getting up Rin hugged Yukio in a tight hug. "I'm sorry Yukio, it's just that the last few months were really hard. Damn, I really am a horrible older brother. Please forgive me."

* * *

Wow, has it really been THAT long since I updated? Time flies by. :p And while I was busy, the extra time I had was spent playing LoL. So I kinda have to excuse. But, God do I love that game. And I really wish that the manga would update faster. BTW if you don't read the manga what basically happened in the newest one was that Shima got kissed by a dead transsexual... And that that puppet dude is actually pretty strong-but so arrogant that I hate him!


	6. Chapter 5

Two months had passed after Rin tried to kill himself. Rin hasn't attempted to kill himself again. However, he hasn't forgiven any of his classmates yet. It wasn't that they were mean to him it was just that Rin couldn't open up to them.

* * *

Bon, Shima, and Konekomaru are talking around the school

"Bon, it isn't working. Okumara still hadn't forgiven us yet. Maybe we should give up..." whined little Konekomaru. His face leaked a small amount of hope. Hope that he would stop trying to communicate with Satan's son.

"Konekomaru! How can you say that?!" Bon practically screamed into the smaller kid's ear. "We treated him like an animal. And just because he is Satan's son doesn't justify the way we treated him. We need him to forgive us... after all were the ones who drove him into attempting suicide." Bon's eyes fell.

"Hey, y'know I have an idea!" Shima's face brightened up as he said it. Most likely because he thought that this idea might be his first that wouldn't be immediately dismissed. "How about we go back to the place where we went camping! We can try to make-up with Okumara there! I remember he looked really happy when everyone complimented him on his cooking." At the mention of Rin's cooking, Shima's eyes unfocused and he started to drool.

Bon immediately turned to Shima. "That might work! Now we should..."

* * *

Rin walked into the classroom and what he saw confused him. All his classmates were there. 'Why are they all here so early!' Each of his classmates were staring right at Rin. Overwhelmed he took the farthest empty table away from them. Right as he finished taking out all of his homework, his brother walked into the classroom.

"Okay, go to your dorms and pack enough for a few days and nights! We are going to go camping and we are leaving in an hour. Meet in front of the school!" Yukio ordered the group of to-be exorcists.

Rin, shocked to hear they were having another camping trip, took a few seconds longer to gather his things. 'Hopefully nothing bad will happen...' When he was done Shiemi was standing in front of him, of course wearing her small, innocent smile.

"Did you hear that Rin? We are having another camping trip." Shiemi smile grew just a bit. "And you are cooking, Okumara-sensei assigned you that to you."

"Oh. Okay," was all that Rin mumbled out.

"I just cant wait for your food. Its just so good! Oh, I have to go. See you later." Shiemi gave Rin one last smile before she left the classroom.

* * *

They all arrived at the camping site. The sight of it sent pangs to Rin's heart. It was the same camping site where he faced Amaimon. And where he was revealed to be Satan's son which of course led to his friends abandoning him. 'Why?.. Why here!?' This place held so many bad memories, and he just had to go back here. Rin's hands were starting to shake and he felt tears starting to form. 'Calm down...' Rin took deep breaths until his hands stopped shaking. Seeing that everyone was setting up their tents, Rin went to set his up as well.


End file.
